is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im calling her cock vulture from now on
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
