the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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