I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
