chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
