Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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