she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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