haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
