He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
