i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
