i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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