I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
