The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
