That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
