I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
