Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
