he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
