And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
