just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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