It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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