I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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