i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
