i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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