I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
