dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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