You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
