How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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