You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
