I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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