I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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