we're chasing vodka with high fives
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
