That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
