we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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