There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
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This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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