Define "chronic" masturbator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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