Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
