it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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