i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
