i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
