You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
