her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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