why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
