Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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