So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
