Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
