The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
