His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
