Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize