Can Purell be used as lube?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
