we have officially lost it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
