I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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