Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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