I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
