If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
where am i from again
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
