Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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