Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
