That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ketchup is God's man juice
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
