Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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