I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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