I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
