Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
