All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize