Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
