remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
