Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
