is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
