i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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