Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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