And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
