Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
