I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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