I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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