Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
