dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
