Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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