WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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