Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
