I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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