remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
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