Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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