I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
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Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize