My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
They have beer where we have blood.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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