Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
