Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
