I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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