So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
